Straight Truth, No chaser...

What's it REALLY like to be a #SMOM

It's not all glitz, glam, and festivals...

Look....being a mom is hard...now add being a single mom in a city with no family and few friends and there you will find me lol:-)

To say that I have had to mature wayyyyyyyy more than I ever wanted would be a serious understatement.

Here are a few truths about what life is like as a #SMOM:

Schedule...schedule...schedule

I now have such a strict regime. I get up at 5am...and to be extra honest...I get up a little before my alarm goes off-probably out of fear I will not hear the alarm. I wake Sloane up at like 6:18am...yes, I wake her up at that EXACT time. Of course, by the time I wake her up, I have her breakfast made when she wakes up.

We have to be out of the house by a certain time in order to drop the #Minime off and get to work on time. I have to leave work to pick the #Minime up before we break the law...kids cannot be in daycare longer than 9hrs a day in IL BTW!

Dinner has to be made by a certain time. Sloane has to stop drinking at least one hour before bedtime. She HAS TO BE IN BED AT 8PM-like if she does not....L-A-W-D!

I have never been so strict to a schedule. I am a true Gemini and I like to go with the flow...so long as I know which way the flow is headed of course;-)

BUT this newly scheduled life I live is kinda bomb.com. The level of accountability I have is phenomenal. This new me has trickled over to work and the results are pretty impressive.

I have to emphasize...I have to stick to a schedule...OR ELSE!

Feminist and I ROAR

I have always always been a #feminist, been when I became a mother, it awakened something even more in me.

Quick story: My daughter got the flu when she was seven months. My breast milk got her over the flu in TWO days!

The fact that I can grow life and nourish life...I feel empowered typing this!

Being a #SMOM, has made me fiercely independent. I am afraid and do not believe in being totally or wholly dependent upon a man or anyone for that matter. I am probably motivated by fear of being dependent on someone and then being left sass out on the street.

I do not know if this is good or bad...but it is me.

I sing the Whitney Houston version of Every Woman daily...because every.single.day I have to be Every Woman:-)

Tribe game strong

Although I moved away from my main tribe, I still depend on them for advice, SOME opinions, encouragement, and just overall sanity.

Life is too good, bad, ugly, hilarious, and beautiful to not have a tribe to share it with.

Also, I cannot tell you how #blessed Sloane and I have been by our tribe. People have showed up for us and it has been beautiful and humbling. I am eternally grateful for my tribe.

HOWEVER, as much as they show up for me, I do my damnedest to show up for them. Being a #SMOM really has taught me the importance of being there for who is there for you.

super woman

Yall, I did not know I was as strong as I am. I am not talking physical strength, I am talking mental strength and wherewithal to just get $hiz done!.

One story sums up the strength I am talking about.

Christmas 2017. Sloane was with her father. I was bummed, until about 2pm when I was hit with the stomach flu. I had to go and pick her up. Unfortunately, her father and I were not getting along at the time and he was not willing to drop her off.

I called my mom-feeling like death-and she said the words that gave me the strength I needed. "It's your baby, go and get your baby."

I grabbed a few vomit bags, made a stop by Walgreen's to get some masks and drove to get my baby. I was so ill I fell asleep in the car waiting for her father to bring her down. (The car was in park).

As soon as I got home, it was time to get sick again.

I called my parents. Let them entertain Sloane on FaceTime while I sang praises to the porcelain god.

Sloane insisted on sleeping with me that night, so I had to sleep with the mask on. I am happy to say, she did not get the stomach flu.

Laser Focus

Co-parenting is NOT EASY. I repeat. CO-PARENTING IS NOT EASY.

It is not like the "conscious uncoupling...love my ex-husband like a brother" scenario that Gwneyth Paltrow describes. Co-parenting is more like if Tom & Jerry had a baby together and now have to raise TJ together:-o

Like normally when you end a relationship, you part ways. When a child is involved you always have to be around the person that you chose to depart ways with...

This requires a lot of selflessness.

I have found it best to concentrate on the fact that it will always be best for my daughter to have a healthy and loving relationship with both of her parents, despite their marital status.

Sloane's father and I have ABSOLUTELY NOT always focused on this fact. We butt heads more often than not. I have gotten so mad at him that I have felt my blood pressure rise!

At TIMES-not all the time, but SOME times, I am having to co-parent with someone that I borderline HATE!

But I do my absolute best to keep the focus on Sloane.

Can't Be a Cup 1/2 Full

The Human Experience is one that includes great sadness, joy, sorrow, heartbreak, love, and the list goes on. With so many ebbs and flows of life, it is so important that we take care to make sure we are WHOLE, especially when deciding to bring another human into this world.

Basically, your crap is your crap. Your child does not deserve your issues. You need to do whatever you need to do to heal and be whole for the sake of the child.

I am a HUGE proponent of counseling. A little secret...if you have a job that offers benefits, there is something called EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that offers free counseling sessions for a company's employees and/or their family members.

Amazing Grace

Your kid is going to mess up. You are going to mess up. Always remember to extend yourself and your family Grace.

These are just a few of the beautiful lessons the #SMOM life has taught me.

While this new life is not what I imagined, it is the life I have. I cannot look at others or wish for a life that is not. This is my life and for that I am thankful. There are a lot worse things to be than a #SMOM.

Besides is there anything greater than a comeback;-) The fire that has been ignited in me since becoming a #SMOM is the thing that makes legends.

#SMOM #SMOMintheCity #ChicagoParent #CityLiving #Chicago #TheGood #TheBad #TheUgly #TheTruth #Schedule #AmazingGrace #WholeParenting #LaserFocus #Feminist #TribeGameStrong #Superwoman #SingleParent