Innocent Until Proven Guilty...

So many articles, books, etc are written about #momguilt...It's like they WANT us to feel guilty! Not this CHICK!

#AKABoule2018 #MyLittleHomie #NoGuiltHere

I am not the type of person who has ever really cared what others thought of me. I can be and am self-centered...in a healthy way lol:-p

With that being said...I have NEVER EVER felt #MomGuilt. To be even more honest, I felt guiltier about things that I had to get done that required me to either kennel/board my dog or send him off to doggie day camp.

However, I recognize that I am not the "norm". I recognize that many mothers and parents, in general, struggle with #Guilt.

Here are some ways I have escaped the woes of #MomGuilt

1. Unapologetically Commit to the Kind of Mother You Want to Be

Whether you are a Stay-at-Home Mom or a Working Mom...a Crunchy Granola Mom...Breast Is Best Mom or Formula is Fine Mom...commit to it with ALL YOUR MIGHT.

I have ALWAYS valued my career and I knew that when I had the #MiniMe that I did not want my career to take a hit. To be even more honest...NEVER have I ever wanted to be a Stay at home mom. Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, but similar to how some people want to be scientist and some want to be teachers...it is my choice. (Both are equally important btw!).

As a matter of fact, I took only EIGHT weeks for my maternity leave. To be fair, I was working from home at the time. Even then, I had a nanny come to the house once my maternity leave was over.

I have UNAPOLOGETICALLY committed EVERYTHING to being a #WorkingMom. For me, that meant finding my daughter a great nanny, baby-sitter, and daycare. Basically, I have invested a lot into finding the right village to assist in raising my daughter.

Thanks to this village, when Sloane is away from me while I am at work, I have not a worry in the world. I am constantly updated via pictures, videos, and an App that tells me what she is learning, eating, etc on the daily. For that I am eternally grateful...I am allowed to BE at work.

And similar to how I said teachers and scientists are equally important...so are working moms and stay at home moms. Sloane's baby sitter is a stay at home mom! I am so thankful she chose to be a stay at home mom because she allows me to be a working mom. She watches my baby...I give her family extra income:-)

Because, I am allowed to BE at work, when I get off work, I am allowed to BE with her.

I never feel guilty about not spending enough time with her, or missing major milestones. All that matters is that she is hitting those milestones, she feels loved, she is thriving...she is BLESSED:-)

No matter the parenting choice, being a Happy and WHOLE parent is the best parent to be!

2. Set a Min and Max for Yourself

So, I allow myself a min and max. If I get minimum of this done or allow a maximum of this...I am killing MY mom game.

So, for example...If I make minimum of four meals a week...I AM GUCCI!

If Sloane only has to watch a maximum of four hours of screen time in one week...I AM SUPER GUCCI!

Min: Workout 4x a week. Max: Workout everyday...either way I am working out!!!

Set yourself up to win. SO many times we put these unrealistic expectations upon ourselves and for what? For who? These kids do not know the difference. As for other people...are they paying your bills!?

Plus, you're showing your child that there is no need to be perfect, but to be, try, and do YOUR best.

3. Sacred Space just for you

Creating boundaries within your life is so key. Every self-care guru highly encourages creating sacred spaces just for you.

Here are some of the sacred spaces I create and why.

• My Bedroom is just that...MY BEDROOM: Sloane is not allowed in my bedroom. I need to have something to myself in a world that is completely and utterly dedicated to her. She has free range to everything else in our place, but she is not to hang in my bedroom. Funny enough, she doesn't really try either. Every blue moon she gets wild, but she is INSTANTLY walked out or turned around:-)

• Bath/Shower Time: Again, I try to get in my times of meditation when I can. What better way to just free your mind than in the shower. If she was in there with me, my mind would not be free. My mind would be a cluster.

Plus, I like the shower SCALDING hot lol.

I did HAVE to take ONE shower with her on a recent vacation. The only reason being...there was no bathtub and she had never taken a shower.

• Strict Bedtime: I am not going to lie, there are sometimes where I just want my baby girl up and hanging with me. Occasionally, I do allow her to stay up past her bedtime. HOWEVER, 99% of the time we stick to her bedtime.

Why? Because when she is asleep, I am allowed to do whatever I need to continue to being the best mom, career woman, friend, daughter, etc that I can be.

• Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc: I am an active member of the Phirst and the Phinest Black Sorority lol:-) But, most importantly, this is something for ME. I go to monthly meetings and even recently attended my Phirst Boule (big conference for active members). I have made some amazing connections, friends, mentors, etc through this Alpha Kappa Alpha, Sorority, Inc.

4. Sacred Space for You and Baby

Life is busy for EVERYONE. Everyone feels like they are constantly on the go or having to do something.

I do what I can to create Mommy and me times for Sloane and I.

Our Sacred Spaces

• Walks Home from Daycare/Walks to the Farmer's Market: 50% of the time she goes to sleep and I use this time to talk on the phone...the other 50% when she is awake, me and her will just converse. Although the dialogue is not completely two way lol...we still communicate to one another.

• And the Lord said "Be Still...": Every single day that she is with me, we take a moment to allow her to just sit in my lap or lay on me and we just cuddle in SILENCE.

The sense of peace that comes over both of us is some of the best divine energy that I have ever felt.

It also serves as a reminder that no matter what...we will always make time to just BE with each other.

5. Bring that Baby with You, IF you Can

When I can...I bring Sloane with me. Earlier this year, I attended my sorority's conference. Sloane came with me. She did not attend any of the meetings, but we were there in the city together. SHoutout to her #PoppaE for playing #Manny during that week.

When my friend needed help finding love on #TheProposal, Sloane came with me.

If I want to go to brunch and I do not have a sitter...guess what Sloane has to come with me. I have had friends visit and Sloane has had to come with us. Needless to say...my daughter has been to a FEW Happy Hours lol:-)

Also, there have been many work trips where Sloane could not come with me. Fortunately, her village stepped right in.

6. The MOST IMPORTANT THING

Motherhood/Parenthood is happening FOR you...not TO you

Because of this, I look for the purpose, the lesson, the growth opportunity, etc in being a parent. I look for how a frustrating or exhausting moment is an opportunity FOR me to grow.

Most times the things that are frustrating or exhausting about parenthood are things that are frustrating/exhausting about myself in general. SO when Sloane is being stubborn...I honestly have to look and see where in my life am I exhibiting this same behavior. She truly has been the best mirror for self-evaluation this Universe could have given me.

Because motherhood is happening FOR me, I choose to live in the Present...I simply cannot afford to worry nor do I have free time to be concerned about past mistakes or future what-ifs. FYI: this does not mean do not prepare or do not learn the lessons of past...but to enjoy the NOW.

Moms, Parents, Non-Parents, and My fellow Humans...you all MUST know...you are not the first to go through this thing called life and you will not be the last. You CAN and WILL Handle it!

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